I Didn't Come Here to Make Friends: Confessions of a Reality Show Villain

This is a revealing look both at what goes on behind the scenes in making The Bachelor and, whether intentional or not, at the raunchy lifestyle and persona of this Hollywood-model turned author. The biggest takeaway is that producers, through selective editing, can amplify conflict and create viewer tension by depicting Bachelor/Bachelorette contestants as either Mother Teresa's or budding Ted Bundy's. By the end we can't be sure whether Season 16's Bachelor winner, Courtney Robertson, was a mean-girl villain or a somewhat willing victim. There's plenty of salacious dirt to go around. The book is peppered with locker-room language and lewd details such as the number of men 30-year old Courtney has had sex with (not that many according to her and primly rounded off. She also has a rule against going all the way on first dates with men she might be interested in getting serious with later on.) She describes her favorite positions for intimacy either alone or with a partner, complete with the Cosmo-inspired name for one of them. Robertson identifies the guy who bestowed "the best sex I've ever had", an alum of the show. And of course the number of times she and Ben did it on their overnight in the Fantasy Suite. Courtney gives us the names of other Bachelors and Bachelorettes who were intimate in their Fantasy Suite interludes, which commonly involve separate sex with all three of that season's finalists, two of whom are soon to suffer the humiliation of being publicly dumped by someone they've fallen for on national TV. Robertson maintained a detailed journal during the wearisome downtime between exhilarating dates that some of the girls went on with Bachelor Ben Flajnik. So we learn that contestants for weeks on end are sequestered together in exotic locations with ample free booze but deprived of access to cell phones, TV, or friends and family. This fosters a combustible mix of boredom, estrogen fueled gossip, intense competition, and the unrelenting threat of being sent home. There's a close-knit brotherhood/sisterhood of former Bachelor contestants, whom the show occasionally convenes for parties and brings back for the summer spinoff "Bachelor Pad". What's surprising is that so many gorgeous, nubile female alums, who were publicly virtuous on their previous seasons, make themselves readily available for the alumni hunks. If your name is Emily M., don't read this book. Once a winner is selected the winning twosome is kept separately in seclusion for about four months, until the episodes air. That hiatus is when two people from often totally different backgrounds first encounter their partners' cultures by long distance phone calls and a few clandestine arranged dates. There was apparently little time during previous taping sessions to have discussed with each other such basic topics as religion, politics, one's views on saving versus spending money, and their respective levels of education. When each episode airs they see for the first time how they were portrayed and what the audience saw their partner doing and saying to the other contestants. Thus, the winners frequently breakup sometime after they have milked the notoriety and financial opportunities offered to them (such as what one gets paid for being on Dancing With The Stars) after the final results are shown to the public. Lovable Ben comes off as distant, self-absorbed, and more interested in being with his buddies than with Courtney. His mother is painted as snobbish (her first question to Courtney was "Why didn't you go to college?"). Courtney's mother's mantra was "All men are scum" and she raised her daughter as a prude. Courtney, of course, ultimately broke out of those constraints in high school, which she barely completed, and she has continued to accelerate through life in the passing lane. Like many other Bachelorettes she falls regularly for "bad guys" despite having her pick of almost any man she wants. The book is fairly well written, aided by Deb Baer. There are plenty of inside info lists, such "How To Get Noticed on the Application to The Bachelor", "Arie's Kissing Tips", and show creator's Mike Fleiss' "Banging The Bachelor". The lists are thrown into the narrative somewhat indiscriminately, however. It's hard to remember from 2012 the many contestants referred to by only first name so fans may want to have a computer handy to Google "The Bachelor Season 16 Cast" for pictures and bios. Some critics have called The Bachelor "fantasy football for females" (and eye candy for a few voyeuristic males like me). But ladies, be careful what you wish for. Another lesson of "I Didn't Come Here To Make Friends" is that appearing on this show can be life-changing but there's less than a 4% chance of a happy ending. And even the winners can be losers.

I REALLY enjoyed this book. It is a fun and easy read, it reminds me a lot of Brandi Glanville's books and I loved those too. It is great to get an inside perspective on how the Bachelor process works and how it effects the contestants differently. The book 100% cleared up why she was created to be the villain of her season (and bachelor history) because she was handling the Bachelor process much differently then the rest of the contestants on Courtney's season. I think she handled it the best she could while trying to stay true to herself the best she could. Seriously though, who wants to be BFFs with all the girls the guy you are falling in love with is dating?! Not only is her story interesting because you get inside dirt on the Bachelor but her love life is very relatable to other women. Some of us fall into a pattern of dating that we seem to get stuck in and she tells a story of working her way out of that and coming out the other side as a better person and truer to who you are. I would definitely recommend this book to anyone looking for a fun and easy read. Courtney does a really good job at telling her story, making you laugh and cringe a little at the same time.

I read this book in two days. What a read! I saw Courtney on The Bachelor 16, with Ben, & I too thought she was a b*tch. But, not anymore. This story really explains so much. She starts from her childhood, & is very explicit about the details in her life. I now see her as a very strong, intelligent, very funny, & very caring woman. Ben on the other hand to me is a very self centered, and very immature man. I never liked him, but this really shows how selfish he is. And his mother is really controlling, and dominating. Ben is too weak to stand up to her, or for that matter to stand up for anyone. He did a lousy job for Courtney, whom he was supposed to love. But, even on the show before any of this happened, he was very shallow and not too bright to me. Just not very likeable. But, whether you agree with me or not, this is a very juicy book, and even reveals that Ashley Hubert who was once the Bachelorette, slept with both Ben, & then JP, in the fantasy suite. Again, a lot of juicy behind the scenes stuff, that you won't hear about anywhere else. Whoever Courtney eventually ends up with in her life, will be a very lucky man, because she really is a very strong, & passionate woman, whom I think learned so much from her experiences on The Bachelor, & after. Ben really was way out of his league with her. He would have bored her to death, & his insecurities, selfishness, & one dimensional way of thinking would have eventually gotten to her, & it's why I think she finally had the good sense to leave him. That was the smartest thing she ever did. I wish her much happiness in her life, & I am so glad she wrote this book! Kudos to you Courtney!

I'm torn on how to rate this. I read it in a few short days because I love The Bachelor! It was a fun read for the most part but I almost didn't get past the first few chapters because it basically chronicled her sex life as a teen. I got a bit depressed and despaired at the state of our youth. I thought, surely there's more to this book and more to her youth than what guy she's currently sleeping with? While it can get pretty crass and crude it is also funny and gives interesting insight into the behind the scenes of the tv show. There is so much more than what we see on tv, if that wasn't obvious. Through the book I understood more of who Courtney is- a bit similar to me actually- a little sarcastic, the girl the other girls immediately don't like because of looks, a loner, who wants to be loved unconditionally. All in all it is a good book for insight into The Bachelor but it paints a bleak picture of relationships in general, and Ben and Courtney's relationship.

Loved this book so much. Courtney's honesty was great and it made me see a whole different side to Courtney and the show!

I really liked Courtney on the show, it's very obvious that everything was edited to make her look like a big bad meanie, and this book just confirms that. She comes across as very real, funny and likeable, and it's a great and interesting read. Has some really poignant and pertinent advice too for the women among us (and there are too many of us) who are lovelorn. I was actually disappointed when it ended. Maybe time for a sequel? :-)

I really enjoyed watching Courtney on the Bachelor. I suspected some of the drama was due to editing - so I kept that in mind during the cringe worthy moments...and I appreciated her feisty honesty and strong personality. She got herself through some difficult moments, some challenging aftermath - seemed able to give herself a good critique... and in the end she emerged intact and probably stronger. I enjoyed the book...it was interesting, entertaining, honest and I learned some cool tidbits about the show. I wish her much luck on her next path.... Beautiful, gutsy and clever woman .... best of luck Courtney!... I enjoyed your book.

This is a great look into the workings of the show and how easy it is to fall for someone you don't know. Like most of the viewers I thought Courtney was a bitch and was in shock when she won. But having now read her book (and seen some of the final episodes of the show over again recently) i understand her view point and she wasn't really that bad after all and Ben certainly wasn't the dream guy everyone thought him to be, good read

For bachelor fans, who doesn't remember bachelor Ben! I surprisingly enjoyed this book, I thought it was quite funny & I got to see A different side to Courtney. I secretly hoped that they would end up together, I actually thought they were a great couple. Enjoyable insight to the bachelor series!